I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize