if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
