If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
