The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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