Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
