I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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