i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
