nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
