I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
kristin has been a bad kristin
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize