I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
