I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
