she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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