The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
