why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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