Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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