it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
