someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
