worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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