summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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