I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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