I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
