i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
