I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
