I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
