Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
