What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
