I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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