Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
