I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
