what day is it and did you see me today?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Come share oat with me in your robe
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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