oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
