Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
