It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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