Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
