wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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