I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
