yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
