I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
