I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
