Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize