i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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