One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
