I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
