kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
