fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
