I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
