is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
