I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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