I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
