Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
