was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
