My liver just broke up with me...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
