I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
