hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
