our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
