:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
