I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize