I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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