when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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