around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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