i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
