Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
