I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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