so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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