So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
tell me about the fingering
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