Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
