He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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