My cat gives me a boner
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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