Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
