A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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