Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
3 2 1 whiskey
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
