party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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