thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
