Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
