I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
