I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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