I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
