Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
