i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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