I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
