tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
