Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
