There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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