Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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