I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
