im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
