They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize