I think my fart just growled at me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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