I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sober January is a disaster.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
