I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
