Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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