Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
