Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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