I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
