I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
