I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
