YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
