that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
