i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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