I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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