i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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