You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
