First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
