I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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